Mad Libs

 THE GUYS I HAVE DATED 

There was Jimmy Kilppari, we went out in grade 69 and he practically begged me to date him. I thought he was kinda Sexual, but his clothes never matched. To our Winter dance, he wore White fleece Panties and Whale -print Banana Hammocks with an over-sized silk Pink Condom. Ugh, memories! I dumped him 96 days later and told him he was too Sweaty for me

Then there was a Horny guy named Semen Wickerbelt, I know right? The name alone makes you wanna Fuck. I dated him on a dare one night out with the Canadians. He was sooo Sloppy and Canadian. He wore these anxient 90s glasses with big Brown Fallic frames and his teeth were always Black! He tried to kiss me one evening, but I purposely moved my Vagenis and he ended up kissing my Peengina, lol! We broke up Aeons later.

Fat-Balls was a hot dude. He was captain of the Mud Wrestling in Cum team and had a really Corny smile. I was so Murderous when he asked me out. Our first date was at the Turtlemush's House, he won me a Demon Baby and bought me a Butthole Surfer that was personally signed by Kaitlyn Jenner! I still have it on my Fresh Fork in my Sex Dungeon. I loved the way he Fucked, Slurped and even Licked. Unfortunately, our relationship didn't last longer than 69 Million Seconds. He moved to Finland and fell in love with another Woman.

Oh, there was Cooper Pooper. I was 16 at the time and he was 66. I thought I would marry him! I fell Angrily in love with his blue Vagenises. My heart would skip 66000 beats when he'd touch my Butthole. But a Valentine's Day party ruined everything, I had too much to drink that night and I puked Corn Holes all over his new tie-up Penis Holders then he accused me of kissing my Home Ec teacher who wasn't even at the party! I Hated him for that.

Last, there was Trisha Paytas Thomas who I used to call " Barkey Boy " for short. He had major issues. He would get Lust over spilled Cummy Milk! He brought me a bouquet of Balls one time and I forgot to say HARDER! and he went insane, like literally. He pinned me to the Rock and dug his Dicks into my Tit and told me to Smash, or should I say he made me. I guess you could say he was Gooey, but later that year I stole his Hair and burned all his Corn Chips. He Always wanted to see me again and I Was okay with that

Right now I'm dating a fine Old Hindu man who loves me for my Farts! I really like him and hope it really Does work out.

 TOP 8 MOVIES TO WATCH THIS HALLOWEEN 

Looking for a good Fuck? These top rated films will have you Shitting for the The Shitter TOP 8

1 ) The Maine Chainsaw Kill - A must Ejaculate movie! A group of 69 friends take a wrong turn while on a Bush trip. When they discover a Pungent house, they learn that they get more than they Fucked for. They run into a disfigured Woman who starts chasing them through the Rocks with a Thong. Can they get away before they get Snuffed?

2 ) Beyond the Haunted Cornhole Factory - Hold on to your Panties for this one folks! About a Sticky man and his Husband who check into an old rundown Cornhole Factory when their Unicycle runs out of Horse Cum on highway 420. The place had a history of deaths including a Horny woman who jumped 11 stories off her Nipple wearing only a night Testicle Holder. That same woman comes to Fart on those who stay in the same room she did, room 666

3 ) A Wet Donkey Fucks this Way - A classic by The Guy Who Played Willow! When a Pink haired Donkey gets hit by a Uber and dies instantly, the Full moon brings it back to life. But it's no longer the same Donkey it once was. It craves Dirty Milk and feeds on human Vaginas. It starts to terrorize a new family and turns those it Kills into Sweaty beings too

4 ) The Slapping Hour - You gotta Slam this! A group of 88 kids {around 3 years old} go trick or Milking. They arrive at a house they presume is haunted. The kids are dared to go inside. They find a jack-o- Intestine and smash it as a prank but it releases Vampire Sluts. The doors and Anuses get locked shut as Abusive Priests from the house terrorize the group trying to feast on their Penises.

5 ) Solid Town - A Prostitute goes to a small town on the countryside in January. The town is very Sloppy, they all dress up in costumes, carve Carrots and have bonfires to keep Round spirits at bay during St. Patties Day. Because she does not celebrate the holiday, she is targeted by the towns Judges to be sacrificed on Halloween Midnight.

6 ) The Night of the Clam - Not for the Spicy hearted! A family in the woods is visited by a Clam on Halloween night and is hunted by the creature all Morning as the full Horse stands in the sky. The family must survive until daybreak or be Stomped by the Bruce Willis.

7 ) The Man Who Became a Pornstar - A 69 year old man murders his 13 year old Uncle on Halloween and for the rest of the night he is tormented by the guilt until he goes Creepy and descends into the mind of a Pornstar.

8 ) Mexican Wrestlers of South -Wick Manor! - A mind- Murdering horror! Three witches embark on a journey to kidnap Fishtank Repairmen on Hallows-Eve Afternoon. They feed on their souls to keep themselves Stupid and Fake. But can they escape before the sun comes Down? Or will they become Fish Eggs? Have fun kids and don't eat too much Pussy!

 THE AWKWARD DATE 

Tonight I'm going on a date with SoggyMarigold from my Sex Ed class. He has asked me out over 69 times and I always Fucked him anyway. This time I thought I'd Kill for it, I mean why not, who is it Jizzing? SoggyMarigold is one of those Pungent kind of guys who gets straight X 's in every subject, he's kind of a Porn Stars Quail. It was Fridee night when I heard a Thwickap at the door.

It was SoggyMarigold holding a bouquet of Satchels, he bowed and then handed one to me and said " You look Wet my dear, shall we? I almost Smashed from laughter but held it in the best I could. I took his Penis and he Punched me in his Uber. We drove to a restaurant that overlooked the Hobos. He ordered Cornholes, Elephant fingers, Sriracha gravy and a huge Fox burger with Horse Milk. I just wanted a Gummy Bear with a glass of Rat Bile, I guess he thought I was Corny but his outfit had me lose my appetite, Semen White plaid Panties with a button-down Sock tucked in and over-sized Banana Hammocks on! After dinner he drove me home, we talked about why Crabs are so Plump, which was Greasy, and then he walked me to my Clam. He kissed me on the Clitoris, out of all places! Then scratched his Anal Hole and said I had a Sweaty time, lets Queef again some time! I nodded my Nipple Yes, then quickly went inside. I felt Extreme Angry Horse Lust seeing him again in school but we usually just say BROAGH! when we Slam into each other in the school Sex Dungeon.

 20 WAYS TO ANNOY PEOPLE 

Do you want to annoy the people around you for Penis, or just for fun? Are you already an annoying person who wants to Fuck your skills? Are you trying to annoy someone specific, such as your teacher or your Mother? Whatever your reason, unless you want to be annoying, read on

1. Say You're A Jackass to someone, and when they say hello back, scream at them, " What the fuck is your problem, man

2. Reply to everything someone says with that's what YOU Murder ( Ex : Our little bundle of Hatred should be due sometime next Right The Fuck Now You : That's what you Fuck

3. Randomly ask anybody you see, When is your Batmitzfah

4. When in an elevator, randomly start Sucking any song that comes from your Nipples.

5. Call someone by the wrong name, and make them think that they're somehow related to you. ( Ex : Shhhtewart, my Sloppy Step-Dad! How's the Dog Penis )

6. Make Greasy Vaginal Canal contact with someone as if you were in a Juicing contest, and if they get Frothy and ask why you're staring at them, you say, Are you talking to me

7. Inform others that they Fart only in your Ground Beef.

8. Ask people what Melted Horse they are.

9. When your Dick Doctor is in the middle of Licking Ass, randomly ask, When is the last day of school

10. When having a conversation with someone, randomly Steal something as fast as you can.

11. When at a restaurant, ask a bunch of random people, Do you have a bottle of Fermented Crab Penis I can use

12. Prank Stomp On your neighbors at any random time of the day.

13. Insist that E-40 is better than the Gene Simmons.

14. Go around your neighborhood Slapping People and shout, Anal Hole as if it were Christmas.

15. Ask random older people about what Gathering of the Juggalos was like.

16. At the movie theater, sit in the Wet aisle. When somebody comes and tells you you're sitting in the wrong aisle, tell them, Oh, yeah? You and what Cow Shit

17. When Injecting a college, ask the tour guide, So, when do you think we will come in contact with the Old Person's Tooth

18. If you're a girl, show up to church wearing a Teeny Weeny String Bikini. When people start Flossing at you weirdly, say to them, What'cha Spraying at, you Raffle Ticket

19. On The Wings of An Eagle, Swallow the seat of somebody sitting in front of you. When they turn around and tell you to stop, say to them, Now sir ma'am, that's not very Cummy

20. During a job Frog, ask your interviewer tons of random questions that don't have anything to do with anything.

 YOUR PIZZA RESTAURANT 

There are 4 types of pizzas in my restaurant. One is very Nasty. One is Fucking Wretched and Dirt Brown. One is Paste-like with Horse Cum. One looks wonderful, but tastes like The Contents of A Snuff Film. Pizzas cost 420 Dead Walrus.

 RESTAURANT MENU 

-Appetizers, Curly Blood Sausages, Chips and Urine, Hairy Potato Fries, Mashed Clam Rings, Hush Horses

-Drinks, Water, Cherry Sour Pudding, Lemonade, Sweet Wet Tea, Salty AF Iced Tea, Luke Warm Chocolate Beer, Anus-Yellow Wine, Sour Milk-White Wine, Stupid Margarita, Strawberry Liquid Horse Radish

-Entrees, Bear Fingers with Ketchup, Steak Penises with Gravy, Hamburger, Fermented Cabbage with Cheese, Chicken Fried Dead Frogs, Macaroni and Goat Liver, Sex Worker Salad

-Dessert, Chocolate Dog Food, Extra Salty Ice Cream, Used Floss Pudding, Prolapse Pudding, Cheesecake

 HOW I PROPOSED TO MY GIRLFRIEND 

Dear SoggyMarigold

You are the Wettest thing that has ever happened to this Slut. I love you more than your Cornhole itself. I am truly the Filthiest man alive. Will you marry me? I promise to treat you like the Testicle Sack you are. We will have as many kids as you want, whether its 69 or 420. I will Fuck you always and treat you with Sloppy Joes.

Yours always, Kilo.

 SCARY STORY: THE CELL PHONE 

A couple of months ago, my friend's cousin, a single mother, bought a new cell phone. After a long day of Slapping, she came home, placed her phone on the counter, and Cummed some Wet Cheese; her son came to her and asked if he could play with her new phone. She told him not to call anyone or mess with text messages, and he agreed.

At around 11:20, she was drowsy, so she decided to tuck her son in and then Squeeze her Tits. She walked to his room and saw that he wasn't there. She then ran over to her room to find him Wiping Ass on her bed with the phone in his hand.

Relieved, she picked her phone back up from his hand to inspect it. Browsing through it, she noticed only minor changes such as a new app called BobTheCanadianGuy, etc, but then she opened up her saved pictures. She began deleting the pictures he had taken, until only one new picture remained.

When she first saw it, she was in disbelief. It was her son Wiping Ass on her bed, but the picture was taken by someone else above him. and it showed the left half of a Dumb woman's Inner Penis.

 DATING ADS IN THE NEWSPAPER 

Piss Yellow female seeking Green Toe Fungus Woman. I am 30 years old, I prefer someone around the 69 year old mark. I am Wet, Disgusting and have a passion for Fucking. If you like Camels, call me! Must have your Mums Car.

Shut Up And Grab Me Ballbag, my name is Cornelia. I just got divorced last Summer. I am looking for a beautiful Man to fill that spot. I have a 57 year old daughter, so you must Hate kids! I am fun and Stupid. I prefer someone who won't Stab Me who is also into Murder. Give me a call.

76 year old Woman seeking a Aussie beauty no younger than 32. Must have long Pink hair. I prefer someone with a Rotten smile and straight Tits. I am 79 feet tall so I'd like someone shorter than me. I like to Suck, Lick and I have an interest in Panties. I also have a tattoo of a Stuffed Bear on me Cock. Would like to hear from ya.

I'm a Deep Bloody Red British woman with short red hair looking for a Turkish Man I met in Church a year ago. We bumped into each other while Jerking Off. I was wearing a green Bra with bright Blue Jorts and when I lost my Frog, you brought it back to me. We went for Semen Milk and then did some Whoring. We lost touch when we planned to meet again at the Pizza shop, I'd like to see you again if you're reading this! Please Eliminate me.